The kind of post I’m about to write was definitely not on the agenda, so let’s see how this goes.
I’m gonna keep it 💯 with you, I’m currently an embodiment of emotions and the senses are on extra alert so please be patient with me.
It’s mid July and the UK is experiencing one seriously hot summer!
As a result of the summer days and trying to do more with the kids, I’ve discovered that my son is most definitely going to be a seasoned festival attendee or a festival pioneer. My daughter will more than likely follow in my dancing footsteps and is destined to be a nomadic rock climber. Fact! The both of them are true opposites but are so aligned in their synergy it’s mad. I love studying them and feel very connected to them. I know not all parents feel connected to their children so I don’t take this for granted.
With the summer dominating our behaviour, conversations, attitude, thoughts and so on, It’s no wonder massive changes have been taking place. The sun can either burn us out or energize us. I’ve been feeling both. The summer has been nice but crikey I’m super burnt out.
I partly know that I’m in the condition I’m in because I’m ridiculously distracted. I can barely focus on one thing at a time. I have so much to do but too tired to attend to. It’s a joke. I know I’m meant to be practising stillness, making time for myself, be kind to myself, and show myself compassion. Although I try, I always end up here. How do I break this cycle?
At the moment I’m trying to declutter my home. This situation is dominating my thoughts and feelings. My home is partly contributing to my anxiety but I’m trying. It doesn’t help when I go to someone else’s home where it’s beautiful and tidy and then I come back home to my WW2 bunker. If I’m downright honest, it puts me into a f***ing depressive state. I know, I know, I have two small kids, it’s impossible to keep tidy all of the time and I should relax. I am better at relaxing but sh*t man, the battle is tiresome.
My distractions are so bad that I have to write down things quite often. It can be good in some way because it helps me to stay organised. I have to think for myself and others in my family. This also takes away things I need to do for myself. Having to think for others can distract me massively. I often visualise peace, order and calmness. I do think I’ll get there but at this moment I’m a fair distance away. I’m sad that these things bother me so much. I actually shed tears because of these things. I guess the importance is knowing that I try everyday. I try to strive for better.
As for the distractions, maybe there is a hidden lesson somewhere I’m not yet ready to receive. Who knows? Until then I need to tidy up the bedroom I earlier tore apart.
Pray for me!
Take and Give care.xx