So, there’s been a little pause since my last post. Sorry guys!
Life has gotten that little more busier than usual.
Family life is pretty much always hectic and I generally feel burnt out very often.
As a spiritual being I’m rather ‘big’ on ‘energies’. I can often sense someone’s energy before they even speak. I gravitate towards warm energies quite quickly and earmark the not so nice ones. What’s most important of all is that the emotional or energy ‘vampires’ need to stay well away from me. They can drain you something terrible!
Being the spiritual person I am, I can be positive. I’m often guided by my spirit and senses. Sometimes it’s not so positive. When bad vibes are lurking it can often bring on my anxiety.
When I introduced myself at the start of my blog, I briefly outlined I’ve suffered challenges that led me to embark on counselling. I expressed my gratitude for counselling because it helped free myself from most burdens I had upon me. I’m not saying I’m cured, I’m saying, it made the load lighter. It helped with perspective.
Yesterday was somewhat a s***tingly s*** day! I woke up feeling ‘wrong’ (as in ‘feeling a little off balance’) and I knew what it was pertaining to. I was awaiting some feedback on a serious matter and there was an absence of feedback. This could only mean one thing to me. In my mind it meant negative feedback.
I tell ya, the majority of my day was dominated by darkness. Knowing but not knowing in equal measure can mess you up! My poor husband was there witnessing the range of emotions, hearing my words of sadness, watching my tears fall and seeing my light dimmer. This also contributed to the anxiety of this day.
You see, anxiety is a ‘creeper’. It can be a slow burner or a raging fire that occurs in the mind, heart and/or stomach. Wherever it lands, it’s awful!
Yesterday my anxiety was mixed with heartbreak. Heartbreak because of the notion and knowledge that some humans can be so ‘conscious-less’. I swear, if it wasn’t for my husband and some of my good friends I interacted with, I’d be a complete wreck.
When you’ve given all your energy to a source and they turn around and don’t respect you, consider you or value you, it can burn. How can you even move on from the hurt of this? These instances and thoughts socialise very well with anxiety and the depression ‘crew’. This is the ‘crew’ you said you’d never be a part of but ended up with them without knowing how. Anxiety is like the ‘recruiter’.
Yesterday was hard. My breathing became compromised, irritability increased, body temperature increased and loss of usual appetite.
When I get such a bad bout of anxiety I simply have to lie down, cry or try to go to sleep very quickly. Taking deep breaths is a must. When really bad it can bring on diarrhoea. Ewww, I know! Not nice!
Fortunately for me, I had to attend an event in the evening. This took me out of the space I was once hurting in. It took my focus away.
Going for a walk and attending an event to realign me with my goals, aspirations and direction really did good for me. It diverted me away from the ‘funk’ I was in and I’m happy I had somewhere to go.
After my event, I got an update of the feedback I was anticipating. The feedback was of course negative. I wanted to burst out crying in the street and curse at the same time (who am I kidding? Of course I cursed!).
As I was away from home, away from familiarity, I had to call hubby. He’s firmly not happy about the update I’ve relayed to him but his focus is not his disgruntled feelings, his focus is that his wife is hurting and simply tells me to come home.
As I proceed to make my way home I begin talking to myself, and it was apparent I was becoming upset. It was then I needed to call a friend who could level me and just hear me.
I’m glad I made that call because that gift of a friend reduced my anxiety and gave me an alternative perspective and trust me, this friend acts as my protector so the conversation could have gone a totally different way. I thank you friend, you know who you are! 😘❤🙌
Upon reflection, I’m trying to gravitate towards the light right now. I’m trying to use perspective (even though deep down I’m still burning with fury). I’m trying to focus on the long run, remembering that karma and retribution is alive for all of us, not just the ‘conscious-less’ humans.
I also stand in gratitude because I know people prayed for me yesterday. People told me they loved me. I was in people’s hearts and minds. These things alone helped lift the anxiety. The wave of love that covered me was beautiful. I’m deeply blessed.
My determination to still choose my faith through the heartbreak knowing I’ll get through this, helped lift the anxiety.
Perspective helped lift the anxiety.
Knowing my purpose in life helped lift the anxiety.
The existence of my children helped lift the anxiety.
The love of my husband helped lift the anxiety.
So how can I lose when I have so much.
Now I’ve written this I can see further into the blessings I’m walking into.
My Ancestors, Angels, Most High and the Universe are with me.
The anxiety I feel is not a weakness. It’s an instrument of instinct and instruction.
I know not everyone can rid of their anxiety and depression. I’m here for you. I’m not out of the woods but I’m trying to see the forest for the trees!
As I wipe these tears away, I’d like to offer anyone who is reading this a hand in help. I’m truly here for you and I pray in advance for your healing.
Take care and give care.xx