It’s Saturday morning.
My children often wake up much earlier on a Saturday. Why is that? Do they plan this at nursery or the night before? Do they discuss strategies whilst they’re always away from mum and dad? Plus, they’re also a little bit more annoying on a Saturday morning!
I’m so friggin’ tired. My living room looks like an explosion of toy confetti, my children look like they’ve been out hunting and I look like a sack of potatoes in shorts. Welcome to motherhood, well my motherhood anyway.
Now it may seem harsh that I’ve used the term annoying. I’m sorry but not sorry. As much as you love your children, they can be annoying. But as much as they are annoying, I love them beyond any kind of love I’ve ever experienced.
As a young woman I always knew I wanted to be a mother. I knew I wanted to be married too. I don’t know why the urge was so strong. Maybe it’s because my grandparents were my template. I’m exceedingly blessed to still have my grandparents. They’ve been married longer than most people have been alive. They’ve raised 5 children and I’m out here struggling with 2.
Whenever we visit my grandparents, guaranteed, after being there for at least half an hour, my granny would ask me “how do you manage with the two of these?”. I laugh every time. This woman raised 5 children, me and her other grandchildren. I find it fascinating as I see her as the ultimate mother of mothers. My granny was my go to person when I was younger. I was openly able to speak to her about a range of things that I couldn’t speak to my mum about. My granny is from the ‘ol’ skool’ but I found she was really open minded. As she’s gotten older I’ve decided to hold off on certain things due to various reasons. My role now is to be more gentle, share joy and my crazy children with her. Every visit is more meaningful. I hang onto everything a little more because I know one day I won’t be able to see granny sitting in her chair or hear her snap back at my grandad (the snap backs are hilarious). I have tears in my eyes and a smile on my face just thinking about it all. This is real life. Granny you just don’t know the depths of love and admiration I have for you. I actually need to tell you this face to face.
I come from a family of strong women and mothers. Strong mothers are all around me.
I have many templates and still nothing prepares you for motherhood like having your own.
It doesn’t matter how you obtained your children whether biologically, inherently or through adoption. A mother is a mother.
This sh*t ain’t easy!!
As much as I’m getting use to the ups and downs there are still things that take me by surprise and lodge me and wedge me right into an uncomfortable zone. I’m still in a bit of shock to know I’ve been blessed with these two ‘crazies’. I often stare at them in amazement.
My idea of this role completely differs from the idea I had pre-children. I’ve put pressure on myself to try to be the perfect mother and wife. You know what? That’s long! I’m just glad I have now discovered that I can’t do it all. When I should have slept I cleaned. When I should have asked for more help I didn’t. In the early stages I was very lonely and cried a lot. I underestimated the changes. I didn’t know there were changes going on. I was a control freak who had lost all areas of control. I wanted the same tidy house before being a wife and mum and I tirelessly tried to achieve this. I still do mad things like organise my wardrobe at 3am but less often. Nowadays this is often what I tell myself, ‘Sit down’. Yes I still feel embarrassed when people drop by and the house is looking burgled but now I just do what little bit I can. My main focus is that the children have enough space to play, they can see the floor, there’s enough clean clothes, cutlery, cups, plates, food available and Disney DVDs. I’d rather sit and watch Moana, The Lion Guard, Tinga Tinga Tales or the Wiggles with them (yes, the Wiggles still live on in this household).
I’m thankful through it all that I don’t feel regretful about anything. Dark times can really make you question stuff. One thing that is certain is that I’ve been destined to be my children’s mum. They’re here to shape my purpose on many levels. They’re my reminder that life is for living. I can be my authentic Disney-sing-along self and not give a f*** whilst the three of us are doing our grocery shop. I’m so proud of my children. They are yet to discover how super they are!
Through the tears and anguish that come with motherhood I am still in love with my babies and thank God countless times I was chosen to be their guide, their mother.
I pray to God I remain true and be the positive template they need.
So mums, my advice to you is, do your own ‘motherhooding’ thang!!
There is no one size fits all. Challenges won’t go away. Your own mother probably won’t approve of your style but still do what YOU have to do for YOUR children.
I thank all the mothers new and old who have helped me in whatever way. I hope I have been of some good use to you too.
To my babies, as much as you’re messy, you tell me ‘no’, you pretend you can’t hear me when I’ve called your name +5 times, you purposely squeeze your water out of your water bottle onto the carpet (sometimes it’s juice), deprive me of sleep and make me read books when I want to read my eyelids instead I LIVE AND LOVE YOU.
You make my Motherhood special and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Mummy loves you.xxx