Darkness

Since my last post, it seems that there’s been something in the air. There has been a lot of sad news.

It was sad to learn of two high profile celebrities passing away due to alleged suicide. My heart truly feels for them. Their loved ones must be in utter heartache and disbelief.

This week, today in fact, marks the one year anniversary of the tragedy of Grenfell. I find it hard to watch the news at times. I still remember that morning, watching the news, realising the sheer horror, trauma, loss and pain of such an event. Around that time Muslim Londoners were facing a challenging time as the media were on them. In one hand the media had them painted as heroes due to raising the alarm on the fire, then on the other hand Muslims were branded terrorists (London Bridge attack). On top of this, there was an attack outside a Mosque in Finsbury Park where a racist drove into a community of Muslim people, sadly taking the life of a gentleman. This time last year was gut wrenching and depressing.

This year, around the similar time, in my opinion, is presenting a similar energy. I’m not sure what it is. Could be planets, energy force fields, I dunno!

On a personal level I’m proud of myself. I’ve had a time of ‘rude awakening’ and during the majority of this time I’ve been thoughtful, calm, patient, in prayer, insightful and have tried to find gratitude when bad things have happened. Trust me when I say I still get moments when I want to flip and confront situations and people differently but I have to think of the long run. I’m writing and I’m visualising my inner warrior dressed in armour aiming to throw spears. I have a raging internal fire going on but I have to tame it, but why?

Since becoming a mother my consciousness has quadrupled. Urghhhh!! it can be so annoying sometimes. I was already an overthinker and now I’m a marathon overthinker because in all I do, I worry about how everything will affect my babies. My actions and decisions are often made with them in mind. When someone is doing me wrong, I have to put them at the forefront of my mind and think of the consequences if I have ill thoughts or act on my ill thoughts. I sometimes ask myself ‘what would Jesus do?’. Would Jesus turn their water into ‘vinegar?’ No, he’d turn it into wine and has actually done this, according to the Bible. I would choose the vinegar option if I had my way but hey! What I’m getting at is, in the grand scheme of things, Jesus was often faced with mad challenges and still he offered kindness, heart, wisdom and the alternative. Even to his death he was delivering the message of love. What a guy! There is something to learn from this.

At this precise moment I’m feeling disgruntled by a current situation. I want to handle business my way but I’m thinking of the long run, the bigger picture. I’m also thinking about my reputation in that arena but have to remind myself ‘I am not THEIR perception of me’. I am not THEIR false facts of me’. I shall not be IMPRISONED by their falsehoods’. You see, morally this situation is taking the complete piss out of my life. It’s a situation I never thought I’d be faced with but it’s here and it’s real. I’ve made my choice to deal with this situation the way I have for various reasons. Mostly because of my children but also for peace and for protection of my energy. I never realised how important my energy was until a few months ago, jheeze! My energy is precious and I cannot afford for the ’emotional vampires’ to collect my energy. Nope, not doing it. Not having it!

In my current darkness I can feel the light a little more than I can see it. Writing this blog is becoming such a therapeutic gift because as I write I begin to feel lighter, more enlightened, more giving. I underestimated the power of writing even though I would preach it to the young people I would work with.

Darkness is necessary. Many may argue with this but that’s totally ok.

Darkness can be good. It can bring us to our knees but if we are able to get back up again it’s triumphant.

The darkness I thought I had when I started writing this is slowly shifting.

I can see my spear slowly lowering even though my warrior is giving that squinted warning eye.

We are allowed to feel darkness. The important thing is feeling and seeing the light.

One of my gifts is to listen. If anyone reading this needs a little light to help them on their way, please reach out to me. I’m no counsellor but I care about people. I care about broken hearts and I feel a sense of human responsibility.

As I exit this blog post I’d like to offer prayers to anyone suffering. I wish you so much peace and comfort. I wish you light. I wish you love.

Amen.

Give and take care.xx

 

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2 thoughts on “Darkness

  1. Always see, feel and be the light. As you said we cannot avoid falling sometimes but its how you get back up and use that fall to propel you higher, further, lighter. Of course it is always easier to be the light if you have the source of light and love living in you, that’s Jesus Christ. So my brave, beautiful smart cousin keep living in the light. My prayers are always with you.

    Liked by 1 person

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